i am obsessed with free time

(9/9/26)

I feel like I waste too much time. I don't but I feel like I do. I'm always trying to make stuff 100% of the all time but that kinda productivity is hard to upkeep, especially with ADHD. I don't know why I always feel like I should be working on a project whenever I'm just watching YouTube or playing games or listening to music.

My next album started production when jimmy released, 14 months ago... I know albums aren't created in a jiffy but I'm used to just spitting out crap quick since forever! I know that just means the more I work on it the better quality it is but there's another factor to it. I only have so much time before I'm thrown into adulthood and I've used up the most amount of free time I'll ever have for decades. That scares me!!! I hate it whenever an adult goes "enjoy it while it lasts" like I'm not desperately trying to. I want to do everything I can to do while I still can! These last 3 years are scaring me!!!

I'm still not sure what I'm going to do as a career, I'm hoping it's something musically but I'm not that good at writing or making music in a timely or efficient manner so I don't know. I just don't want to waste time. Once I'm no longer a kid the only big deadline I'd have is until I die, and I don't know when that is..

I want to use up every minute of my spare time right now before it's "too late". But that's not easy. School and the dreaded occasional homework, marching band, and other nonsense is very good at seeping it's way into the hours that I've got. It bugs me but there's not too much I can do about it.

Sorry for the tangent, although that is what these rambles are for. Here's a funny photo, so silly.